INTRODUCTION TO YOUR LIFE NARRATIVE

THE WOUND OF ABANDONMENT

The Abandonment Narrative emerges from experiences of feeling neglected, rejected, or left behind, often leading to a profound fear of being alone. These feelings can arise from various life events, such as parental neglect, the loss of a loved one, or significant changes that create instability. The pain associated with abandonment can deeply impact self-esteem and the ability to build trusting relationships.

The Underlying Drives and Needs

In our life narratives, unmet needs often drive our behaviors and emotional responses. The fundamental emotional needs that influence individuals affected by the abandonment narrative include security, connection, acceptance, and love. Understanding these drives is essential for recognizing how they influence thoughts and behaviors in relationships.

In this narrative, individuals are often driven by unmet needs such as:

Security: A foundational need for stability and assurance that loved ones will remain present.

Connection: The desire for deep, meaningful relationships that provide emotional support.

Acceptance: The need to feel valued and wanted by others, fostering a sense of belonging.

Love: A longing for unconditional love and affirmation from family, friends, and partners.

Beliefs Shaping Your Story

(THESE ARE OFTEN LIES WE TELL OURSELVES)

Some of the negative beliefs that arise from abandonment experiences are feelings of unworthiness or assumptions that others will inevitably leave. Identifying these beliefs is crucial for challenging and reframing them to foster healthier self-perceptions.

Experiencing abandonment can manifest into lies like:

"I am unworthy of love."

"People will always leave me."

"I am not good enough to be loved."

"If I get close to someone, they will abandon me."

Predictive Patterns in Your Story

(RECOGNIZING BEHAVIORAL TRIGGERS)

Some common behavioral patterns emerge as a response to perceived threats in relationships. These if/then scenarios illustrate how past experiences shape present reactions, often leading to self-protective behaviors that can hinder connection and trust. Understanding these patterns can help in developing healthier responses.

Your narrative might follow if/then patterns like:

If I am in a new relationship,

then I will keep my partner at arm's length to protect myself from potential hurt.

If I feel vulnerable,

then I will become defensive or sarcastic to shield myself from emotional pain.

If I experience a conflict,

then I will assume the relationship is at risk and may end it prematurely.

Abandonment Wound Stories:

(All names have been changed to respect privacy)

Jessica's Story:

Background: Jessica grew up in a household with constant conflict between her parents, leading her to believe that love is conditional and unreliable.

Behavior: As an adult, she struggles to maintain relationships, often sabotaging them when they become too intimate. She fears that if she allows someone to get too close, they will eventually leave her.

Tom's Story

Background: Tom experienced the loss of a close family member at a young age, instilling a deep fear of abandonment. He internalized the belief that he is unworthy of love.

Behavior: In his friendships, Tom often feels anxious and insecure, leading him to withdraw when he senses any sign of distance from his friends. He avoids discussing his feelings, fearing that vulnerability will lead to rejection.

Lisa's Story:

Lisa's parents divorced when she was a child and she felt abandoned by her father who moved away and rarely contacted her.

ABANDONMENT

"I am not loveable"

"I am not good enough"

IF: Someone tries to get close to Lisa...

THEN: She will keep them at a distance

Predicted Future Behaviors (Rules):

As an adult she finds it difficult to trust her partners, often assuming they will leave her. She tends to keep her emotions bottled up, fearing that expressing her needs will drive people away.

IF: Someone expresses affection to Lisa...

THEN: She will doubt their sincerity and push them away.

IF: Lisa senses someone pulling away...

THEN: She will withdraw first to avoid the point of being abandoned.

What to do next?

Understanding the Abandonment Narrative is a crucial step towards healing and reclaiming your sense of worth. We invite you to explore additional resources that can guide you on your journey to emotional wholeness.

Additional Information

If you have read this far, we both know you are serious about us.

Learn More

Upcoming Masterclass

Without a doubt there is something very relaxing and pleasurable.

Learn More